How to break free from the "Someday Scaries": Quick tips to kickstart your next great adventure

I did some detailed research for this one.

Photos: Unsplash

I’ve dug into all kinds of historical data, scoured the Internet, and spoken to every Tom, Dick, and Harry I thought might hold the answers to the question that weighed on me while I was preparing this post.

I’d be embarrassed if you already knew this, but I feel like I have to share it anyway.

Are you ready for it? Okay, here it is:

Did you know that in all the years that Earth has existed, there’s never been a day of the week named “Someday”?

Seriously. Not once has that day appeared on a calendar. Don’t believe me? Look it up for yourself. But fair warning: I couldn’t find it on any of the calendars I looked at, and neither will you.

That’s because there are only seven days in a week, and “Someday” isn’t one of them.

And yet, that’s the day we all look forward to. Someday when I have my driver’s license. Someday when I move out of my parents’ house. Someday when I graduate college, find a job, get married, have kids, get promoted, start a business, retire…

You can spend your entire life thinking about one someday after another.

But someday when you’re lying on your deathbed, you’ll look back on all the days you wasted and all the moments you missed because you were too distracted trying to figure out what your next step was going to be.

So let's take a look at five quick tips that will help you stop putting off your dreams and fast-forward you towards the life you know you could be living.

Tip #1: Look around.

Pause for a minute and examine everything that’s around you in the room you’re in right now.

Pick out one item in particular. Do you remember when you got that thing? How important was it for you to get at the time you bought it? How much did it feel like you needed it?

Now think: Do you remember what it was like when you didn’t own that thing? Somehow you managed to survive just fine without it, didn't you?

Let’s take it one step further. Think about the path your life has taken to get you where you are at this exact moment.

Did you know that at every point along the way, you wondered what your life would be like when you hit every milestone that led you to where you’re at right now? At one point in your life you thought, “Someday when I have my own apartment…”

And then what happened when you got the keys to that apartment and settled into it? What did you think then? “Someday, when I have my own house…”

It’s the same with cars, jobs, relationships, money, kids, stages of life, and on and on.

You know it. I know it. We all know that today is the only day that matters. Yesterday is over. And tomorrow will never get here. Of course we all know that.

And yet many of our thoughts begin like this:

• “If I could just…”

• “When I eventually get…”

• “Someday when I’m in a better position…”

We use these phrases but fail to realize there was a time when we didn’t have any of the things we were hoping for. And yet we still managed to feed our families, do work that mattered, make a difference in our communities, and take care of ourselves.

The trick is reminding ourselves of these truths day in and day out.

But that’s not easy. In fact, depending on what season of life you’re in, it could be downright impossible.

So knowing that it won't be easy, how are you supposed to start doing it and keep the habit up day in and day out?

Tip #2: Realize that your brain is trying to keep you alive. And sometimes it's wrong.

I’m not asking you to undergo some spiritual reawakening here. I don’t know if there’s a meditation routine, mindfulness app, or weeklong retreat on the planet that could completely eradicate our unquenchable human need for more.

Actually, in healthy doses your longings are what could get you to the higher heights you’re reaching for. In some cases they may be the very things keeping you alive.

I don’t know all the brain science, so don’t go digging too deep here.

But if we assume our brains are designed to keep us alive and safe, don’t you think we would be wise to take a step back and analyze why it is our brains are screaming at us to buy those new shoes or ask that person out or march into your boss’ office and demand a raise?

Could it be that we’re terrified that everyone will reject us if we aren’t constantly sporting the latest Nikes?

Might our brains be telling us that we’ve already reached the ripe old age of 19, and if we don’t find a mate soon we will almost certainly die alone and childless?

And this one might be a stretch, but what if that raise you’re after isn’t about you or your performance reviews at all?

What if you wanting to do well at work is actually about those shiny Nikes you’ve had your eyes on? Because they're the one thing you need to impress that person you just can’t stop thinking about.

What I’m getting at here is that our thoughts don’t always serve our best interests.

They make us do crazy, impulsive things that we know we shouldn’t do.

They make us imagine our desired futures and dream up all kinds of avenues to manifest those futures as fast as possible. Which is why all those “Somedays” that you’re after are continually coming and going.

You want a new car. You get the new car. You want another nicer car. You get your second nicer car. Now what about a garage to put them in? Check. But wait, garages usually have houses attached to them...

...And most of those houses are located in neighborhoods with other prettier houses filled with better-looking people than you with even nicer cars, garages, and houses...

...And, oh by the way, those other people all seem to be raising superhuman children who play seven different sports, get elected class president, and graduate magna cum laude.

Here’s the question to ask yourself: What if none of that nonsense actually matters?

Like, at all.

Tip #3: Imagine a new response.

What if the people you interact with on a daily basis are longing for more in their lives just like you? What if everybody wants a better job, a bigger paycheck, a nicer house, fancier cars, and a more picture-perfect family?

What if you assumed that everyone you meet wants the same things as you? And like you, they are perpetually dissatisfied and longing for a better future?

If that's the case, don’t you think it would be in both of your best interests if each of you served one another instead of trouncing over one another to serve your own agendas?

What if you went about your life with that understanding?

What if, instead of flipping off the person who nearly hit you on your commute this morning, you took a deep breath in through your nose, released it through your mouth, and silently wished that person got to their job safely?

Or what if that driver had just learned his wife got into an accident on her way to drop the couple's kids off at school, and he was on his way to the hospital at that exact moment?

Maybe that wasn't the case. Maybe he was just pissed off because he hates his job. Maybe he didn't see you. Or maybe he's just a bad driver.

I don't know who this hypothetical person is. I don't know why he did what he did.

But neither do you.

So in those kinds of situations, you have a choice to make. You could make a negative assumption about that other person ("That guy's a jerk."), a positive assumption ("I hope his family is okay."), or a future wish ("One day when I have my own jet, I won't have to deal with bad drivers like him.")

One of those responses is going to help you keep your blood pressure in check. The other two are more likely to cause it to spike over the long run, leading to more doctor's visits and higher medical bills.

Tip #4: Wait for it.

It also might be helpful to remember that life has seasons. Winter has never lasted for four years. Neither has summer.

You may be hurting more now than you ever have before. Or you may be the happiest you’ve ever been. There could be something coming up on your schedule that you’ve been excited about for a long time. Or there could be something you’ve been dreading.

Whatever your “Someday” is right now, understand that waiting for it is the hardest part.

And if you are in a season of waiting, consider writing out worst-case scenarios if all goes south, best-case scenarios for your desired future, and any lessons the season of life you’re in is teaching you.

Sink inward and mull over what’s really going on inside you. What is your brain really trying to get you to do, and why?

Then try reaching out to a trusted friend, mentor, coworker, or counselor and lay everything out in front of her. Ask her if there’s anything you’re missing and actually listen to what she has to say.

Because an outside perspective will almost certainly shed light on a new angle you hadn’t thought of before, and that could light the spark you've been needing regarding the situation you're facing.

Tip #5: Make up your mind. Or something else will.

The moment you’re facing right now doesn’t exist in a vacuum. And the “Someday” you’re longing for isn’t on the other side of some impossibly wide chasm you can’t cross over.

With just a few strategic moves on your part, you could get there quicker than you ever thought possible. But that might require you to dare to do something you’ve never done before. And that something might be the most terrifying thing you’ve ever done in your life.

But here’s one final thought: Someday when you look back on the choice you’re facing right now, how is your future self going to remember the decision you made?

Because whatever you decide to do will be 100% your call. You own that decision as soon as you make it. My only hope is that someday you’ll view this moment as the obstacle you needed to hurdle in order to elevate your life to the next level.

You’re going to look back on your life someday anyway. So you might as well choose to live one day how you wish you could live every day. Because that’s how you’ll piece together an entire lifetime of moments that are really meaningful to you in the end.

It doesn’t matter what day of the week it is. Stop waiting for that magical “Someday” to appear on your calendar. Start making progress wherever you're at, with whatever you've got, to help whoever is around you.

Someday you'll look back and thank your past self that you did.